The Big "O"
By Ed Spitzberg

Tired of faking it? Ed prefers that you don't.

They always do it at the end of what should be a heavenly experience for everyone involved.

After going at it for a while (sometimes hours), they express their pleasure, first slowly, then in great, big, pulsing waves. Their limbs flail wildly. They get louder and louder, until finally the entire room throbs with their enthusiasm and appreciation for what they have received. Except they're faking it.

That's right -- audiences give standing ovations so often these days that they can't possibly be sincere. It used to be that audiences only got to their feet when they wanted to say, "Hey, this show is the shit. I've never seen anything like this. I want to have the baby of each and every cast member." These days, as long as the big chandelier didn't actually fall on their heads, by end of the curtain call, everyone's standing.

The only question now is when do they stand. As soon as the curtain call starts? When the leads come out? Or do they hold out until the final full-cast bow (in which case the show must really suck)?

That leaves those of us who want to save a standing ovation for when we really mean it in an awkward position. If the entire audience stands and we remain seated, we're effectively saying we hated the show. Which is fine if the show is anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber, but otherwise, most of us stand up and, well, fake it.

And when there's a standing "O" every time, the actors can't tell when it's real. (Of course they all claim that audiences never fake it with them, but deep down they know the truth.) There are a variety of possible reasons for this trend. Perhaps audiences give standing ovations because, by standing, they convince themselves that something so-so was actually downright cage rattling. If they scream emphatically, it had to be great, right? Or is it because today's culture demands we avoid hurting others' self esteem?

Well, believe me, if the actors find out later that faking was involved, they're not going to feel too good about it (um, so I've heard, that is). And besides, how will actors improve their technique if they don't know they're doing something wrong?

Maybe audiences stand because they're well mannered. They've been brought up to think they're responsible for giving feedback the actors need to do well the next night, whether or not the performance was enjoyable. And let's face it, sometimes all actors care about is a good "O."

Nevertheless, I guess it's better than audiences leaving before curtain call to beat the crowds to the parking lot. "I mean, come on, they're working hard for you up there, don't make them finish without you.

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While currently working in development at Arena Stage, Ed Spitzberg is a former amateur actor and professional lounge singer. He insists that all of his audience's ovations were real, because he's gooooooooooood. (We've heard his show is over really quickly, though.)